Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
