Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize