she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
