Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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