I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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