Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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