I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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