it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
