if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
