I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
