My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize