Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
false alarm. still invincible.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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