So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
