You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
