It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
