o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
