My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
