Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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