i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
