Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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