I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
