Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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