I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
