This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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