last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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