her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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