Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
