If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
