I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
