my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
