I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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