I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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