I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
is that a dick in a sweater?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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