Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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