I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
