I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
