I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
