The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
