she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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