I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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