New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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