We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
