The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize