Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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