Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
