my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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