I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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