remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
