i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
