i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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