watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize