Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
