if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
