You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
