I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
