best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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