It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
