Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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