it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
