The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
