You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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