You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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