Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
