is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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