i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
