the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize