I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
