When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
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