i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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