u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
