The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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